Akito On Happy Pills
by SilverWolfRider
Summary: Ummm...Akito found some meds by her door and...madness ensues! This was going to be a One-Shot, but I got so many reviews that I decided to write more! So here you go my adoring FANS!
1. Chapter 1

**Akito on HAPPY PILLS!!**

Hatori stopped writing abruptly as he heard a scream echo through the main house.

He had gotten to know that scream very well in the time he had been the dragon:

Akito was on a rampage…again.

As he ran down the hall, he wondered what it could be that was making her so upset.

_Was it her mother? Or maybe it was Honda-san?_

It could just as easily be both, the doctor knew.

He steeled himself for whatever scene he might find on the other side of the door, then quickly slid it open and jumped inside, ready to restrain Akito if needed.

The sight that greeted him was the strangest he'd ever seen.

Akito was wearing a green women's kimono and had a large quantity of various make up products on her face.

"HATORI!!" Akito yelled as she met his eye. She scampered over to him and waved her arms around, making the colorful embroidery on the kimono glitter in the sun that was entering through the window. "Well, what to you think?! Isn't it just the most beautiful thing you've ever seen in your ENTIRE LIFE!! Oh, I just love it!! And I love Kareno too! Do you know why? He GOT IT FOR ME!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT!! ME! That was so nice of him!! Oh, I just love him to DEATH!! And you too, Hatori! You've been so nice to me, taking care of me when I'm sick and everything. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!" She squealed, giving him a bear hug.

For the first time in a very long time, the collected doctor found himself at a loss for words.

Finally, he was able to clear is throat and speak.

"What…brought you to this, Akito. You seem…unusually happy today. Did something happen?"

"Oh Hatori don't be silly! All I did was take those pills you left by the door!"

"What pills?" he asked, instantly focused. "I never gave you any pills."

"They were by the door when I woke up this morning, stop being so goofy!" She admonished. Suddenly she pulled away from him in horror.

"I know what's going on Hatori! Why didn't you tell me earlier!?" She swept past him and out into the hall.

"Everybody HELP! Hatori's having a MID LIFE CRISIS!! What do we DOOOOOOO!! Do we buy him a car?? A really fast one? NO NO NO!! WAIT, HE NEEDS A GIRLFRIEND, RIGHT?? That's the problem, RIGHT?!" she yelled at a servant who was carrying towels down the hall.

The servant dropped them in shock and stared after Akito.

Hatori sighed.

How was he ever going to explain this one?

Okay, yah. It's a one shot deal with it. This is my first fic, so no flames, please. it's really short, I know, but it's late and I'm tired and There's al lot going on right now.

I'll write other stuff that'll be longer, but for now...yeah. Oh, Spooky4ever, is Akito funny? have I succeded?


	2. Chapter 2

Shigure watched Akito run as he peered around the corner.

"Hee Hee! Oh, that was so funny! OOOOOHHH…I should do that again!!" he sang quietly. As he stood up, he found himself face-to-face with…

" Oh, hello, Hatori! I uh, didn't see you there!" he said nervously. "Well, I really should be going now. I have Mine at the house you see and-"

"Shigure!" Hatori said warningly. He stopped in mid-turn. A bead of sweat formed on his forehead.

He turned back around, then grabbed onto the doctor's hand.

"Hatori, it's not my fault, really! It just seemed so funny! Hiro has these pills and-" he was cut off as Hatori pulled his hand out of Shigure's grasp

"I know the medications Hiro is taking; I prescribed them. This was very irresponsible of you, Shigure." He said sternly. "I can't be sure how much Akito took, so I have no way of knowing when the effect will wear off. In the meantime, everyone will have a multitude of questions about what is going on. Fortunately, I have a way to lessen the amount of questions considerably."

Shigure noticed Hatori looking at him intently.

"Oh really? And uh, what way would that be?"

"We find Akito." The half-blind man answered.

"What an excellent idea!" the dog exclaimed. "I'll just leave you to that…"

He turned to run.

"Not so fast, Shigure" Hatori said "You're going to help me."

"What? NNNNOOOOOOOO!!" he cried "I'M SCARED OF THE DARK! NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Don't make me GOOOOOOOOO…"

He anguished cry faded as Hatori grabbed him and began dragging him down the hallway in search of Akito.

That same woman was having the time of her life. She ran down the hall wildly, asking in an almost deafining shriek if anyone could help Hatori.

Everyone seemed not to hear her. Finally, she stopped and sat against the wall, worn out after all that running. Her throat hurt, too. She didn't mind though; she was happy. A servant carring a large basket walked by. Akito waved. The servant's head stopped to watch,but the rest of her kept going. She fell flat on her face, spilling the basket's contents all over the floor.

"Oops! I'm so sorry!" Akito rasped, her throat too sore to talk normally. "Did I make you do that? Here, let me help you up!"

She grabbed the woman's wrist and helped her up. She was about to start picking up the basket, which she now saw contained clothes, when she heard someone call her name.

"Akito!"

She turned and saw Shigure running towards her.

"SHIGURE!! I'M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU!! DID YOU COME TO SEE MY NEW KIMONO?? ISN"T IT PRETTYFULL!" she cried, making up the last word because she couldn't decided whether to say beautiful or pretty.

"I just LOVE IT!! IT'S SO NICE!! I STILL CAN"T BELIEVE KARENO GOT IT FOR ME!! I'll have to do something EXTRA SPECIAL to thank him, won't I? What should I do? OH! I know; I'LL MAKE HIM COOKIIES!! CAN YOU HELP ME SHIGURE? I CAN"T COOK VERY WELL." She admitted.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to make the best of it. Maybe you should go change first though. You wouldn't want to get your new kimono dirty would you?"

Akito shook her head and they went back to her room. Servants and others stared as they walked past.

Hiro yawned and streached in his bed. Looking around sleepily, he saw that his anti-depression pills were missing from his night stand.

_Oh, who cares anyway. I'll find 'em later  
_

He rolled over and went back to sleep, not realizing the madness he had unwittingly caused.

What do you all think? Is this okay?


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3-The Kitchen is a VERY Dangerous place!

"…So, how do you make batter again?" Akito asked for the third time. Shigure and Akito had decided to make cupcakes rather than cookies and Akito(who had never been in the actual cooking part of the large kitchen) was rather distracted.

"OH, look at that, Shigure!! What's THAT?!" she asked excitedly, pointing at a pot with a pattern of holes in it. A servant had left it on the countertop when they had seen Akito and run away. Akito hadn't seemed to mind; she had merely waved and yelled 'Have a nice day!'

"Ah, that is a colander. People use it to drain water out of pasta. Now, back to the cupcakes; first you put flour in a bowl-"

"How much flour?" Akito asked, holding a newly opened bag above a large bowl they had both picked out.

Shigure, who wasn't paying attention to Akito answered vaguely "I guess that depends how much you want to make."

"I want to make a lot!" Akito shouted gleefully, and then proceeded to empty the five pound bag into the bowl. A little of the flour actually landed in the bowl, the rest flew into the air with a loud…

_POOF!_

At the same time, Shigure had turned around to see what was going on and they both found themselves covered in white powder. Akito blinked and looked down at herself in amazement.

"SHIGURE!! The FLOUR EXPLODED!! WE BOTH DIED!! NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" she sniffled as she thought about her own and Shigure's funeral. "I'm gonna go find Hatori."

_Wait a second…I'm a ghost!_

"Shigure! Wacth me!!" she yelled as she ran towards the wall.

"Akito, stop! What are you doing?!" Shigure shouted.

"I'm a ghost now! That means I can walk through—OOOOFFF!"

Akito hit the wall head first and slumped to the floor in a daze.

Meanwhile, Hiro had finally woken up and walked down the stairs to what he discovered to be lunch. He looked at the plate and scowled, wishing Kisa was there with him.

No, of _course not_! She was over at Shigure's house _again_!

With that stupid girl Tohru Honda no less!

He picked up his sandwich and bit into it furiously, all the while think angry thoughts about annoying high school girls who never did anything right.

Suddenly, the phone rang. Grumbling about people who didn't let other people eat lunch in peace, he snatched the phone off its cradle.

"Yeah, who is this? What do you think you're doing calling right now? I'm eating. Or do you want me to starve and get all skinny like those kids on TV? Why-"

"Hiro, stop talking and listen to me. This is very important. Akito is…not feeling well. I need to know if you have been taking the medication I prescribed." Hatori said

Hiro snorted. "You called to ask about that? Sheesh, don't you trust me? Do you have to make sure I do everything with you watching me? Do you want me to go over to the main house right now and-"

"Hiro, that's enough. Be quiet. The last time you examined them, how many pills were in the bottle?"

"I don't know…it was about down to where the label started, I guess."

"Alright then…I need you to call Hatsuharu. Have him call the other Zodiac members. Everyone is to meet here at the main house this evening at seven."

The line went dead.

Hiro glared at the phone and turned back to the table. He grabbed his sandwich and wondered if he should do as Hatori ordered.

"Fine." He muttered to the phone as he began to dial Haru's number.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4- The secret is out

The entire Zodiac was gathered in the Main House, minus Hatsuharu, who had gotten lost again and had to retrace his steps until he found something familiar.

"Haru's ALWAYS getting lost! It's not that hard to find the place, its huge!" Kyo growled.

"True," Yuki agreed "If you could find Sohma House, Hatsuharu should have no trouble at all."

"Shut up, Rat-boy! I'm not as bad as he is!" he saw Hatori entering the room from the other side through as sliding door and decided to keep the rest of his comment to himself.

"Well, what'd you drag us all here for, Hatori?" he demanded.

"Yes, Hatori, what could be so important as to warrant a meeting like this?" Yuki asked.

_Stupid Rat, always making me look stupid! He always acts so mature and makes me look like an idiot_!

He heard Shigure giggle. The door slid open again and the room went silent.

Hatori turned around and everyone was surprised to hear him curse and try to get in the way of a figure in the doorway

Before them stood a beautiful woman wearing a full length red kimono decorated with golden flowers. She had black hair and a very delicate face, but sharp eyes, so sharp they looked like they could peel the skin right off you.

"Hatori, who the hell is that? Is she a Sohma? Why is she here? Did somebody get married?" Kyo asked as he stared stupidly at the woman.

She looked at him and smiled.

"Kyo-chan!! I've missed you so much!! I want a HUG!!" she yelled happily, starting to run toward him.

Kyo, who had a sudden feeling of déjà-vu, turned to run…

and was tackled from behind.

"What the hell!! Get off me!!" he yelled. "How the hell do you know my name anyway??"

The woman, who had decided she didn't want to hug him anymore, had gotten up.

"Kyo-chan-" she began

"Don't call me that! I'm not cute!...Or a little kid, either!"

"The last time we talked, I wasn't very nice. I'm sorry!! Will you please forgive me??" she asked, bowing low.

"What the hell are you talking about? I've never seen you before in my life!!"

She laughed. "Silly, neko-chan, you saw me at the summer house! Don't you remember? Oh by the way, have you beaten Yuki yet?"

Suddenly, Kyo realized who he was talking to. He swore loudly and fell down after tripping over his own feet.

"What the hell happened to you? Why are you dressed like a…like a…Oh."

Yuki stared, his eyes going from the woman –woman!!—he saw was Akito and Kyo on the floor.

This could not be happening!!

Akito looked at Yuki and took a step towards him.

The Rat felt his stomach tighten as he stared at Akito, unable to take his eyes off her. The fact that he was in the same room as Akito terrified him enough, but here she was coming toward him, reaching out her hand to touch him…

"No!" he gasped "Get away from me!"

Not daring to take his eyes off Akito, he took a step back.

She looked hurt.

"But Yuki…I just wanted to apologize- Hatori, what are you doing? Let go!" she whined.

Hatori had grabbed Akito's arm and was gently but firmly pulling her to the other side of the room.

The Rat sighed in relief. While he tried to wrap his thoughts around this newest Sohma revelation, Hatori was trying to remove Akito without hurting her.

He eventually succeeded and turned to face the rest of the Zodiac.

"That is why I summoned everyone here today- yes, even the Cat." He added as Kyo began to mutter something under his breath.

"There is something very wrong with Akito. She has overdosed on Anafranil, an anti-depressant medication that was never prescribed to her. I am not certain how many pills she has taken, though I do know who is responsible for the medication falling into Akito's hands, nor do I know how long the effects will last. Therefore, I must warn you that…… for every high there is low, for every stop there is a go, and that's what makes the world go round!" he declared in a sing-song voice.

"What the HELL?? Are you one something, Hatori?!" Kyo yelled.

"Maybe." He said, tapping his nose.

The rest of the family watched in horrified fascination as their once serious doctor did the chicken dance.

As he danced, something fell out of Hatori's pocket and rolled toward Yuki.

The Rat frowned as he picked it up; it was a pill bottle with the label Anafranil.

He gazed at it, the true horror of the situation dawning in his mind.

The bottle was completely empty.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five- Yuki…Squirrel?

He woke up the next morning with a very sore back.

"Nggggh…" he groaned, rubbing his head. As per his usual morning routine, he got up…

And tripped over Kyo, who'd fallen asleep a little while after the argument with Ayame.

The Cat rolled over and grabbed his ankle, pulling him close. He sleep-whispered into his ear

"If you tell anyone I like catnip, you're dead, you stupid…nnng…squirrel…mmmm, catnip…"

Yuki stared at Kyo for a few seconds….

_Stupid Cat…wow, you really are stupid…_

Suddenly, a bright flash brought the two to their senses.

"Wha..?" Kyo muttered, sitting up. Yuki blinked, trying to get the strange dots that kept popping up and swimming around to go away.

"Hee Hee!" Shigure laughed "I told you that Kyo only had eyes for Yuki, and now…I have proof!" He held the picture up to the ceiling, as if expecting a beam of light to shine down and illuminate it.

Kyo blinked and looked at Yuki. "What is he doing?"

"I have no idea, " the Rat replied, looking dazed.

Yuki looked around to see the other Zodiac members had left…all except for one very confused Haru standing in the doorway.

"Umm…Hi, Yuki. Kyo. Sensei, what are you doing?" he asked.

The Ox looked around the room, noting that Hatori's lab coat was on the floor, along with a pill bottle.

"What happened here last night, Yuki?" he asked, wide-eyed. "I…thought you liked me. How…" a fire sparked in his eyes.

Yuki coughed, loudly enough that the black and white haired boy turned and looked at him.

"Are you okay, Yuki?" Haru asked. "Yes, I'm alight. Hatsuharu, have you ever seen this before?" he asked, showing the tall boy the prescription bottle he had found.

"Yeah, I've seen it before. I think Hiro takes some. Why, what's going on?" the tall boy listened as Yuki told him about the previous night.

"…Wow." He said finally. "So, Akito-san and Hatori-san both took that stuff? And it made Hatori-san sing a kid's song and dance around?...Well, I'd say we have a problem. Maybe we should go look for them." He suggested.

"If we do, we'd have to split up…Hey, where'd everybody go?!" Kyo yelled.

Yuki looked at him. "Stupid Cat, they've been gone since we woke up."

"Shut up! I'm not stupid!"

"You could have fooled me." The Rat replied.

Shigure tried to sneak past them, but was stopped by Kyo grabbing onto his robe.

"Where do you think you're goin'? You're in this too!" he growled.

"Ah…I'm going to go sell this picture on eBay."

"What? Why are you selling a picture of me?"

"Well, you are very famous, Kyo-kun; everyone wants pictures. In fact, all us Sohmas are famous."

The Cat blinked "What? Why? What did Rat boy do this time?!"

"Oh no, it's not what he did; it's all of us. You are very famous, and Yuki too. Readers think that the love triangle between Tohru-kun, Yuki, and you is quite…captivating. Everyone's hoping for you, Kyo-kun. I don't know what will happen, of course, but either way, I'm enthralled! The rivalry between you and Yuki has gotten even more intense, thanks to our own delicate little flower…Oh, I do miss her cooking…Tohru, my darling housewife, where are you when I need you…"

"She's not a housewife!" Kyo and Yuki yelled in unison.

"Sensei, are you saying that someone is writing about our family?" The Ox asked. "How would you know something like that?"

"Ah…I can't say! Writer's Code, you see." He explained nervously. "And now, I must leave you all, for you see I am just dying for some breakfast and Tohru-kun promised she would make something very special for me this morning!" He then ran out the door and out into the hall.

"Hey, get back here!" Kyo yelled, taking off after him.

Yuki and Hatsuharu were left in the room alone.

"Well, let's start looking." Yuki said resignedly.

H e walked slowly out of the room with Haru close behind.

AN: I'm thinking about ending this soon- it's hard to keep funny stories funny. I've had a lot of fun writing this! All of your reviews were so encouraging!! Thank you so much!! I'll try and think of more funny stories, but now my muse seems obsessed with serious ones. You can try and change her mind( she has a weakness for brownies and House), please do try!! I've loved the response I got from everyone!! I'd try adding brownies with reviews!! …and a treadmill would help too lol!!

muse hits me over head with a staff

OW!! She's mean!! Save me!! My muse is Sadistic and Cruel!! WAAAAH!!


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